Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Texas Legislature on On-site Sales: "Now I'm Done"

For those of you that are just joining us, there was a bill in the Texas state legislature to allow microbreweries to sell some beer on-site. Seems trivial, but actually it makes a HUGE difference in the survivability of microbreweries. Rather than only going through costly distributors and hustling for bar taps and shelf space, selling some cases in the gift shop would give them a revenue stream to remain viable in the first few years. Lots of great folks put a lot of energy into this bill and it didn't even make it out of committee. And that's why the state of Texas has about the same amount of microbreweries as the town of Asheville, North Carolina.

From the Saint Arnold newsletter concerning the death of the bill that would have sparked a craft beer revolution in Texas.

HB 2094 has gone to bill heaven. We made it much further this year in our attempt to allow you to visit Texas craft breweries and leave with samples of our brews. We had strong support from the public, the press, our largest distributor and many legislators including Jessica Farrar who sponsored the bill. Unfortunately all of that and logic were not enough to overcome the opposition of one distributor group. But we plan on trying again next session. The trend is positive. And many thanks to you for writing your state elected officials. You showed the legislature that people care about this issue.

Very positive and uplifting. And here is my synopsis of the death of this bill:

What kind of jack shyt is this? What do these chump distributors think I'm gonna do, huff it all the way to Dallas to get some fricken Rahr at their brewery? Drive the fyck up to Conroe every time I want some Pine Belt? PLEASE. Does the beer distributorship own THAT much of the legislature? Hell, can't we just set an upper limit on how much a brewery could sell out the back in a fiscal year and call it good?

It's shyt like this is why we don't have jack shyt in this state. No forward thinking. The legislature (and by extension the people) have no desire of being considered World Class in anything other than high school football. All the oil and money and opportunity and former Presidents at our beck and call, and Houston is about number 4,234,421 on the top 5 million places in the world people want to visit. Dallas clocks in at 4,126,101, wedged between Quetta and Ciudade de Deus. And we wonder why we have to damn near have to give sexual favors to get a Superbowl around here. The Essence Festival left a sprawling relatively safe Houston to move BACK TO NEW ORLEANS AFTER THEY WERE DECLARED A MURDER CAPITOL! That should tell you something right there. The Olympic committee can't stop laughing every time Houston puts in a bid (it'll be an all Indoor Olympics). If it wasn't for Joey Greco, cocaine, and football team that hasn't won shyt since I was a virgin, Dallas would be right there with us.

Oh, and can we cut the morality crap please? Some folks are busting down bills like on-site sales b/c they claim we are encouraging drinking. For crying out loud, they have 24 oz single cans of beer ON ICE at every gas station in the state. Can you say "Drinking and Driving?" We off more guys in the death penalty than China! Yet when a brotha wants to get a few good beers and pay to see the occasional pair of clear heels, they get all fired up like my choices is going to fyck up THEIR lives. I'm a conservative, but this is just too much. I'm sure the Pledge of Allegiance is fine gentlemen, now would you be so kind as stamp out the drug cartels taking over whole swaths of the Valley? Damn shame.

Thank you Texas legislature for moving the Republic forward once again into the early 1900s. Craft beer was never about the money, just passion for a great product. Nobody gets rich in this game. All that work the brewers put in just for their own elected officials give them the finger. Damn shame. I'm sure we're going to do the song and dance all over again in a couple years thinking "this time we'll get it out of committee". Maybe by 2040, we'll get it passed in the House just in time for the Senate to go on recess. By the time we figure this out and pay off all the guys we gotta pay off, alcohol will probably be illegal again anyway. Thank you.

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